


An empty shell.

by Kowala1000



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-13
Updated: 2015-03-13
Packaged: 2018-03-17 16:58:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3537095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kowala1000/pseuds/Kowala1000
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bellamy tries to go on after Clarke leaves camp, but he's got nothing left.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An empty shell.

**Author's Note:**

> My very, very first fanfiction. Never thought I would be inspired enough to write my own, but I love this show so much and the season finale really hit me hard.
> 
> I don't know if I'll keep going after this, but it's a loooooonnnng time until we get another episode, so we'll see!
> 
> Anyway, spoilers through 2x16. I don't own any of the characters.

“May we meet again.”

Though he didn’t realize it – he didn’t let himself realize it – at the time, the words he murmured as she walked away from him were meaningless. Because everything that he was, everything good, everything worthwhile that remained, left Camp Jaha with her.

Though he didn’t realize it at the time, the man walking back towards their people was an empty shell.

The first month was simple. There was so much broken that needed to be fixed. The survivors of Mt. Weather needed him, and she had asked him to take care of them for her. So he did what he could, volunteering for every job, providing comfort where he saw it was needed, presenting a strong façade for his friends. He was everywhere, on his feet until he physically collapsed into his bed each night, and even then, he never slept for more than a couple of hours at a time. 

He didn’t start to feel the enormity of the loss until month two. He did what he could to fill the void with work, false smiles, Monty’s moonshine and trysts with every willing, age-appropriate woman in camp. And to an outsider, to anyone who hadn’t seen what Bellamy had become in the time since the 100 first hit the ground, he looked like a real person.

But his sister and his friends knew better. They watched and worried and waited for him to begin to heal. They hoped he would, but in their hearts, they knew better.

One drunken night as he fumbled with Harper’s shirt buttons in his room, she pushed him back and looked up into his eyes. “No. We’re not doing this.”

Confused, Bellamy tried to see past the fog of alcohol to figure out what he had done wrong. “I don’t understand.”

Harper sighed, adjusting her clothing. She placed a gentle hand on Bellamy’s cheek. “I’m not going to fuck a corpse.” He said nothing as she quietly left the room and shut the door. 

After that, there were no more warm bodies keeping Bellamy’s bed occupied at night. Only him and the ghost of a girl who had left him behind.

In the third month after the survivors came back from Mt. Weather, Bellamy gave up. He didn’t bother sitting with the old crew at meals, turned down every invitation to hang out by the fire at night. Each day, he interacted with life in the camp around him just enough to make sure that everyone she had sacrificed herself for was still on their feet and safe, and once that was done, he would retreat back to bed, so he could close his eyes and see her face.

One evening two months later, he found that he couldn’t even bring himself to eat dinner and instead headed home. He told himself he was just exhausted from his guard shift, but in truth, he was always exhausted. All he wanted to do was be alone in his room with his thoughts. With the memories of her. Of her fearlessness when she goaded him into the Jasper rescue mission. Of her soft sweet voice singing as Atom died. Of her pleading with him to help her lead after Charlotte’s death. Of her telling him that she needed him after Dax’s attack. Of the warm touch of her hand on his as the two of them sat, breaths held, as they waited to see if Jaha would pardon him. Of her fierceness as she stood, gun in hand, barely upright, as sickness from Murphy and chaos had swept the camp. Of the smell of her hair and the feel of her body as she leapt into arms after her first escape from Mt. Weather. 

Most vividly, he remembered how he felt when they were facing the next challenge together – like someone who was worth caring about, someone who could overcome any obstacle. Like a leader. Like a hero. The memories were a pale substitution for the real thing, but now, the memories were the only things that could make him feel anything.

Which is why when Octavia, Monty, Raven and Jasper walked into his room without knocking a few hours later, he wanted nothing more than for them to walk back out.

“What do you need?” he asked them tiredly, resentful of the intrusion .

His sister advanced on him, already angry for some reason. “You. We need you. We’ve needed you since we came back. Instead, we’ve got some robot with my brother’s face. I can’t…” She paused, gesturing at the other three, “We can’t stand by and just watch as you fade away.”

Bellamy heard her words and registered the truth of what she was saying, but he simply did not have the energy to care. “Octavia, what do you want from me?” His voice was little more than a whisper. “I’m here. I stayed. I’m doing my job. I am giving what I have.”

Octavia stepped even closer, shoving a hand in Bellamy’s chest as her voice rose. “I want my brother back! The brother who had some light, some fight behind his eyes!”

Monty took a step forward, too, less angry but just as determined. “We’d even take Whatever-the-hell-we-want Bellamy.”

The room fell into silence, and Monty looked pleadingly at Jasper. Jasper, who had been little more than a ghost himself since the return, cleared his throat and spoke hesitatingly. “I lost Maya that day in Mt. Weather. I didn’t know I’d lose you and Clarke, too.”

Bellamy exhaled, sunk down heavily on his bed and looked around at his sister and his friends. How could he explain it to them in a way they would understand? 

He dropped his head into his hands. “Everything in me that was worth a damn was because of Clarke.” He was barely able to say her name out loud, and it almost strangled him.

“She was the reason I believed in myself. She was the reason I started to let myself care about anyone other than you, Octavia. She was the reason for living, not just surviving. Now she’s gone and that other Bellamy? The one you’re talking about? He left with her.”

Raven, who had, until that point, been silent as she watched the intervention play out, reached forward, grabbed Bellamy’s arm and hauled him upright. “Well, damn.” He watched as the mechanic looked at each member of the group in turn, seemingly coming to some silent agreement. “Let’s go bring them both back, then.”


End file.
